Add to the Beauty

I have always liked the song Add to the Beauty by Christian artist Sara Groves, because it seemed to say practically everything I believed about how life was and how it should be viewed, lived, practiced.

Which is to say, it doesn't have anything to do with ease or comfort, but everything to do with hard work, personal vision and a burning desire to do whatever your story demands. The problem here, of course, is finding the time.

This last week has been overly hectic in the places of my mind. Plural, yes. My mind exists on several planes at once, and usually not in one sector of reality. I am- to put it lightly- all over the place in my head, at all times. An educational psychologist given the job of figuring out why I was such a mess at one point in my life said that, while I was bright and well organized in my responses, I seemed overly visual. And I had dyscalculia. And synaesthesia. But he didn't think I had ADD, because I wasn't bouncing off the walls. In fact- I was pretty laid back. This evaluation helped exactly not at all when it came to my academics, but it did make me more interesting in my own eyes, itself a positive, I suppose. And only I could find a "disability" interesting- another quirk.

But where was I? Oh yes- all over the place and hectic.

The kids have returned to school which means I get to make lunches. Why this freaks me out every year, I have no idea. It might be because my current kitchen situation bites. Or maybe it might be because I feel uninspired by the usual lunch options- Egg salad gets a bit samey. Baby carrots do as well. Most of the peanut butter has palm oil in it (it doesn't here!). Early in the week I bought a bag of cotton candy grapes for the kid's lunches. One day that lasted. Don't even get me started on packaged crackers/cookies/biscuits/pastries and bread. Gah. But I had a drop of inspiration hit earlier today- make their lunches what you're always yakking about concerning restaurants you would like to run one day. Duh. Oh yeah- do the thing I really like doing, instead of relying on the status quo for lunch. Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces- even lunch. Add to the beauty.

I'm in the last week of a job I particularly liked, with people I love, to go to a new one. I need the hours, and it isn't all about the money. Mostly it has to do with getting me out of the house so I don't plant myself A: in bed with my cell phone, forgetting to shower, B: In front of the computer for hours, wasting time, C: Manically cleaning out the house, room by room by myself, only to have certain people wreck my hard work in 10 seconds flat. While I definitely am not great at structuring myself in the house, I do a lot better when someone gives me structure in the form of a job. Therefore- I work. What will I be doing? Some baking. Some taking-of-money. I'll be able to talk to people- interact and be social- and not stand around monitoring my phone in my house and waiting for inspiration to sparkle itself into a corner of my brain. I'll be doing something I'm pretty good at, anyway. Add to the beauty.

I turned 40 over the weekend- I'm pretty sure this should mean something, and in an odd way it does. Example: I felt the reigns of some expectations and dreams loosen a little. This is important, if only for matters of purpose and reality- I'm not going to get it all done, and that's okay. Stories need editing and not every chapter is necessary. I need to shorten the list to what is really important to me. That said- what is important was most of the list, so the sorting and deciding will be fun. Not. This is where grace arrives, inviting the beauty to arrive on it's own, regardless.

Today's story is still playing out. I think it might involve something called Apple Blackberry Cake in the next little while.