I should probably write something down about this

We're moving.

After years of occasional threats of leaving, we're finally making good on the deal and relieving our long-suffering neighbors from our lawn-care incompetence and loud children. Of course, we're somewhat long-suffering as well. The burning plastic. The revving engines at midnight. That wasn't us.

In this neighborhood I was the stray-cat/animal lady. If a stray cat showed up in town, chances were it would end up looking through my front door and hanging out there until I did something about it. Our dog came to us after being dumped by some person of questionable morals near our town. He was full of fleas and ticks, had an ear hematoma, raging ear infections, wasn't fixed, no clue about shots, and he had the ugliest collar ever. Idiots. The world is full of idiots.

It's been a somewhat quick 13 years in Pleasant Dale, although that seems somewhat suspect. During these years we've had four children, we've lost furry family members and gained others. We've made friends and even a few enemies. In short, we made a life here.

So now the hard work of pulling our roots up and away begins.

This week I decided to fight with the woodwork in the kitchen. There are two doorways and a window which, I mean, I don't know how people screw these things up so spectacularly. Besides the awkward layers of paint we were confronted with in this house, we also had almost no corners because the wallpaper was so thick. Apparently removing things first wasn't quite the ticket with the previous owners. We spent a good two years removing wall paper from every available interior surface- including ceilings. True story. Ceiling paper.

So, after the Wall Paper Wars, we grew weary and the doorways and window sat undisturbed. Disturbing, but themselves undisturbed-

You'll notice how it's been picked at. Like a nervous child with a nose-contents fetish, I'd stand there picking pieces of paint off while on the phone, while waiting for pasta-water to boil. Whenever. I was afraid to use the bad chemicals, so that wasn't going to happen. For awhile I thought of prying all the woodwork off, but then I remembered my adventures with plaster, and put that idea away for braver times.

Finally, I decided to try some of the bad chemicals. Here was the magnificent result-

Awesome, right? I was really excited about spending about $300 more on the green paste from hell in order to scrape off each individual layer of paint and varnish.

Oh yes. The Varnish.

The varnish lay beneath all the layers of (probably) lead-based paint. After talking to a guy at the Walmart in Crete about this problem, he suggested a heat-gun. Now, this wasn't the worst idea, ever. In fact, if not for the varnish, it would have been THE solution.

But the varnish. It was sticky. After having hot air blown on it, it was sticky and it was basically like molten lava. Put those two qualities together and what you get are burns everywhere and a whole lot of frustration, because after every scrape, you end up having to eliminate the sticky molten lava from your scraper, or else it will simply reestablish itself on the wood in large clumps. I caught a fruit fly in a clump of this stuff one day. I felt guilty. And then I remembered Jurassic Park. This stuff could last that long.

The heat gun worked. I'll give it it's proper credit- and after a lot of pain and suffering and cursing and burn-treating- this was the result-

Still not good enough. And... I hate sanding. I mean.. I really, really hate sanding, and if any of this paint is lead based, sanding isn't the best idea in the world. So back to the evil chemicals. 

I first thought I'd have to tape off the kitchen and keep everyone out and cover my face in things to prevent...breathing. The product I tried this time is called Citristrip. It warns you on the label about getting it on your skin or accidentally pouring it in your eye, so, you know- good to be careful. But it worked really well and fast and it didn't fill the house up with fumes, for which I'm grateful- here is the result of that- 

Obviously much better.