He who angers you conquers you.- Elizabeth Kenny.
Oh, bull pucky.
He who angers you is going to get his ass kicked, that's what.
I've been thinking a lot about anger over the last few weeks, because it's been the dominant emotion I've been displaying- if not outwardly, certainly within my very rich and, apparently caustic, inner life.
There are plenty of reasons- PLENTY- for this. I'm just not going to tell you, because then this will become one of those tiresome complaining things that I have no time for.
I prefer passive aggressive hinting. So here goes-
I'm angry at people who don't now which cashier they were talking to before, because they DIDN'T FREAKING LOOK AT THEM. But that cashier. They know what they did. I'm not a cashier (right now, anyway, but I'm still angry about this).
I'm angry that the new guy got a brand new desk and the last two women in that office used a beat-up piece of plywood over two non-matching file cabinets, so it was always a little slanty.
I'm angry at the bastardization of the word family. The way some people make it this thing to be practically worshipped if it meets some impossible standard is bad enough. What really gets me is when cliques of people use it as a way to badger you about being late, or whatever. And never miss a rehearsal, because we're a "family". Riighttt… And GAAGGG- for good measure, anyway.
I'm also angry at Vesicoureteral Reflux and the way doctors don't care about it unless you're almost dead. Reading the comments and posts in that particular support group is an exercise in righteous indignation. Get it together, medical community! You should be doing better here. My child doesn't deserve the current standard of "care"- and neither do any of the others.
To make it less tedious at this point, I'll just make a list of everything I'm angry about/at. I'll even throw you a bone and be a little more specific (complainy and fingerpointy).
Loans. And grants, for that matter - which just make the loans look more palatable- somehow.
Cars.
Musak and especially that woman who sang that 'I don't wanna wait, for our lives to be o-ho-veh-her' song. Yeah, I don't wanna wait, either.
That dark muddy purple color.
The WTO. The FDA. The USDA. The World Bank and the IMF. For that matter, WF, BoA, and the DMV.
Chris Christie pandering to Iowa's pork producers (weird, yes?).
Pork Producers (of a certain variety).
Pork consumers (of a certain variety).
People who only buy donuts and red bull with their EBT card.
People who stereotype EVERYONE with an EBT card as being the type of person to only buy donuts and redbull with it.
Whoever it was that stole my Teddy Bear when I was 8.
Cancer.
Really large parts of my education.
Depression/Anxiety.
Damage to the environment.
People who put pictures of dead starlings they've shot up on Instagram.
Absence of enough time.
Misogyny.
Rape culture.
People who mess with my kids.
People who mess with other people's kids.
Animal abusers.
Oh.. I could go on and on and on.
Except that I'm tired and it's been a long day and now I'm angry for sitting down to make a list of things to complain about out in the open, which is what I didn't want to do.
Of course, alongside my anger, I have been quietly lecturing myself. Telling myself that this is all a season- it isn't the whole story. There is beauty here, even in the anger. All the things I deeply believe, but like all fragile people, have such trouble remembering in the thick of feeling.
But you know, anger is okay. Anger is necessary. Father Bede Jerrett, the greatest preacher in Catholic England during his lifetime (a very limited biography of the man tells me) said, "The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough."
Precisely.
I've made some of the above seem less serious than they really are, which is how I handle telling people about my anger. Some of them are very difficult. People have been hurt and for no good reason. Justice hasn't appeared in these situations, and I can't provide it- another reason for me to be angry.
Colin Powell said "Get mad, then get over it." Which is what I'm working toward.
What I won't do once past is to totally forget. I'm the elephant of angry memories- not a good thing to be unless those memories are used as a catalyst to make sure those things don't happen to other people. Which is part of my plan. You can't just get over it if you haven't done something about it, Colin, you should know that. Speaking of which, I'm still mad at you for that ridiculous WMD talk you gave to get us into another war. Remember that?? Huh? HUH??
